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Summary of Transcript:
The speaker talks about how difficult emotions and thoughts are not necessarily negative and can guide us towards important values and goals. The traditional advice of just being positive during tough times can actually make one less resilient and even fragile, according to research. The speaker encourages people to develop skills to navigate reality and interpret difficult emotions in a way that is both true and optimistic. The unhealthy ways of dealing with difficult emotions are brooding and bottling, which involve either dwelling on or ignoring difficult emotions, respectively. The speaker defines bottling as an avoidance strategy that consistently and persistently turns away from difficult emotions and prevents effective adaptation. The popular notion of just gritting through tough times is insufficient for effective navigation and adaptation.
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Summary of Description:
The podcast features guest expert Susan David, a Harvard medical school psychologist and author of Emotional Agility. The discussion focuses on processing emotions in an effective and healthy way, particularly during challenging times. David stresses the importance of recognizing that emotions are data, not directives. The episode provides strategies for identifying emotional signposts and avoiding emotional fusion, as well as the role of values in managing difficult emotions. The conversation concludes with the idea that acceptance is a prerequisite for change and that preparing for connection happens when you connect with yourself.
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Learning to Process your Emotions: Strategies from Susan David
Do you find yourself struggling to process your emotions effectively? Are you feeling lost in a sea of grief over lost loved ones or failed relationships? Emotional pain can be overwhelming, but simply bottling up those feelings and pushing through may not be healthy or productive in the long run.
On this episode of Impact Theory with host Tom Bilyeu, Harvard medical school psychologist and author, Susan David, shares her expertise in emotional agility. Her message is simple but powerful: emotions are data, not directives.
In today’s challenging times, it can be easy to get stuck in negative thinking patterns or allow emotions to take over. Susan David offers helpful strategies for creating space and observing what we’re feeling, without allowing those feelings to control us. By identifying emotional signposts and accepting difficult emotions, we can begin to process our feelings in a healthier and more productive way.
Rather than allowing negative thoughts and emotions to hold us back, we can use them as a tool for growth and change. By connecting with ourselves and our values, we can learn to adapt and thrive in difficult situations. Susan David’s message is one of hope and resilience, and her strategies can help us all to navigate the challenges of life with greater ease and grace.
If you’re seeking guidance for managing difficult emotions and creating a more fulfilling life, check out Susan David’s book, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life. And don’t forget to take advantage of the exclusive Impact Theory University offer for 15% off your first year using the code “YouTube15.”
To listen to the full interview on the Impact Theory podcast or to follow Susan David on social media, check out the links above. With emotional agility, we can all learn to process our emotions more effectively and live a more fulfilling life.
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On Today’s Episode:
If you’re in the middle of emotionally trying times, lost your job, death and grief over loved ones and failing relationships, we know emotional pain f*cking sucks! But what now? Sitting in these emotions forever isn’t practical or healthy. So, what are the options?
Bottle it up, push those feelings aside, and push through! You’re hardcore, you’re badass, nothing is going take you out. Just don’t think about it, move on and get gritty.
OR…
Let the pain take over until you feel like a puddle of nothing. Everything feels hopeless, the pain is unbearable, and how could you ever smile again?
Neither of these extremes are healthy ways to cope with your emotions, and as adults, if we’re honest, the majority of us suck at processing emotions. We get angry and take it out on the people closest to us. We go to work sad and hurt over a fight with our partner, now we can’t focus, productivity is low, and the quality of our work sucks.
Susan David, Harvard medical school psychologist and author of the #1 WSJ bestseller, Emotional Agility, has some strategies we can all start implementing today to learn how to process our emotions in an effective and healthier way. Her core message is that “emotions are data, not directives.”
We’re facing some really challenging times ahead and we’ve been fighting and hoping for better days since pre-Covid. This conversation answers how to deal with the difficult thoughts and use emotions as data instead of allowing them to direct a story of you starring as the victim.
You can have every valid reason to fuse with painful emotions, it doesn’t mean they’re helpful in the moment. Create space, observe what you’re feeling, and identify the signpost.
Check out Susan David’s book, Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life: https://amzn.to/3aHKw25
Check out Susan David’s first Impact Theory Interview, Make Your Negative Thoughts Serve You: https://youtu.be/y8bwEgCcOXs
SHOW NOTES:
0:00 | Introduction to Negative Thinking
4:06 | Unhealthy Ways We Face Emotions
13:30 | Identify Your Emotional Signposts
24:38 | Make Space for Emotional Confusion
39:15 | The Secret Weapon Against Tragedy
50:35 | Don’t Allow Emotions to Write Your Story
1:11:01 | Strategies to Avoid Emotional Fusion
QUOTES:
“The difficult emotions feel really tough, but what they are pointing to, what they are signposting, is often something that we care about…” [1:16]
“The reality of life is that beauty and fragility hold hands with one another.” [3:39]
“There is a world of difference between being stubborn versus being stupid.” [9:01]
“When we ignore those difficult emotions we also turn ourselves away from the ability to adapt and to be effective in our lives.” [9:44]
“It is not about getting hooked on the difficult emotion, but rather recognizing that our emotions are data […] they signpost things that we care about, but they are not directives.” [23:28]
“We deal with the uncertainty by becoming more adept with emotions.” [30:52]
“If you don’t have your values in place, you won’t ever risk tragedy because all you can see is that tragedy was bad, […] but if you have a value system that mandates you risk tragedy then it becomes worth it.” [41:13] Tom Bilyeu
“The true tragedy is when we don’t know what our values are, and when we are literally risking our lives…” [48:51]
“We are learning from our emotions so we can step into the wisdom of our values, and that’s why emotions are data and not directives.” [59:14]
“Acceptance is a prerequisite to change, […] Acceptance is about facing into the truth of your experience and the truth of your difficult situation.” [1:09:48]
“Preparing for connection happens when you connect with yourself.” [1:33:13]
Follow Susan David:
Website: https://www.susandavid.com/
Twitter: https://twitter.com/SusanDavid_PhD
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/susandavidphd
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/susandavid_phd/
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