*****
Summary of Transcript:
In this episode of Relationship Theory, Tom Bilyeu interviews his wife, Lisa Bilyeu, about why love is not enough in a relationship. Lisa uses the analogy of tennis, where two people can either be opponents or teammates. In a healthy relationship, both partners should be playing to win together as a team. She explains that love is necessary but not sufficient to sustain a relationship and that change is the biggest chasm in a relationship. People change at different rates, and they might not use the same words, leading to misunderstanding each other at a profound level. Lisa emphasizes the importance of being honest about weaknesses and finding a partner who can help on the journey.
*****
Summary of Description:
Lisa Bilyeu, co-founder, and CEO of Impact Theory, joins her husband Tom Bilyeu on Relationship Theory to discuss how to navigate change and transitions in life and relationships. They reflect on their 19-year marriage and the lessons learned along the way, emphasizing the importance of understanding each other’s perspectives, communicating, and embracing change together. They also discuss the value of framing reference, self-soothing through change, and owning triggers and insecurities. Lisa also shares her experience transitioning from a traditional housewife to a successful CEO and the impact it had on their relationship. Overall, they emphasize the importance of honesty, commitment, and communication in building successful and supportive relationships.
*****
Navigating Life and Relationships with Lisa and Tom Bilyeu: Lessons Learned Along the Way
Going through life and relationships is full of ups and downs. It can be challenging to find your way, especially when faced with change and uncertainty. In this enlightening video, Lisa and Tom Bilyeu share their valuable insights and lessons learned over their 19-year marriage and journey toward personal and professional growth.
Why Love Isn’t Enough
Lisa and Tom both agree that love isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. They acknowledge that true love is essential, but it takes more than just love to make a relationship work. Through their experiences, they have discovered that understanding, respect, and communication are crucial elements that help them overcome difficult times.
The Gap Between Love & Divorce
Lisa and Tom reflect on how they almost reached a point where their love wasn’t enough. They felt a gap between each other and felt that their views and priorities had significantly shifted, which inevitably caused tension in their relationship. However, by understanding and respecting each other’s frames of reference and communicating effectively, they found a way to bridge the gap and grow together.
Surface Level Arguments
Through their discovered lessons, Lisa and Tom have discovered that surface level arguments are often symptoms of much more profound issues. They advise that understanding where the misperception is and addressing the underlying problem is crucial to overcoming disputes.
Find the Frame of Reference
Another valuable lesson that Lisa and Tom share is the importance of finding each other’s frame of reference, which helps them understand where the other person is coming from. They found that it helped them avoid unnecessary arguments and misunderstandings while learning to respect and appreciate their differences.
Preparing for Disruptive Changes
Life is unpredictable, and sometimes disruptive changes occur. Lisa and Tom agree that preparing for these changes is crucial to handling them well. They believe this involves thinking through the possibilities of what may happen, understanding the likely impacts, and being ready to adapt to the changes.
Embracing Change Together
Change often affects individuals differently, which can have an impact on relationships. Lisa and Tom emphasize that embracing change together is key to making relationships work. They believe that acceptance, support, and communication help to acknowledge and navigate changes and strengthen relationships during times of transformation.
Making the Transitions Work
Lisa and Tom share how they have come to accept and embrace each other’s personal and professional changes. They believe that this acceptance and respect for each other’s goals have made them stronger as a couple. They admit that this hasn’t always been easy, but their commitment to each other has helped them work through the transitions successfully.
Why You Have To Communicate
One of the biggest takeaways from this video is the importance of communication. Lisa and Tom stress that honest communication is the foundation of any relationship. They share that expressing your needs and emotions, owning your triggers and insecurities, and being open to feedback and growth can all help strengthen relationships.
In conclusion, life and relationships are challenging, but they can be rewarding if approached with the right mindset. Lisa and Tom share their most valuable lessons learned over the course of their 19-year marriage, emphasizing that relationships take work and commitment. By learning to communicate effectively, respect and understand each other’s frames of reference, and embrace change, relationships can weather the storms and come out stronger in the end.
*****
See Original Source
Source Description
Going through different stages of life and relationships is never easy. It’s easy to break down, fall apart or become numb and completely lose yourself along the way. Lisa Bilyeu has experience with navigating change and transitioning from a traditional supportive housewife to being the badass CEO and Co-founder of Impact Theory she now is. In this episode, Lisa and Tom reflect and share the lessons they’ve stumbled through along the way over the last 19 years of marriage to support Lisa’s awakening.
Join them as they deep dive into how to get beyond the surface level arguments, discover the value of your frame of reference, and what it truly means to evolve together to be supportive. The trip is bumpy, a little messy, not as graceful as you may imagine or believe, but the way they are honest and committed to each other makes it successful and worthwhile every time.
Check Out Relationship Theory for solid relationship advice at every stage: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCtHuUTWVRHUXVjmRrvS8WYg
SHOW NOTES:
0:00 | Introduction Lisa Bilyeu
2:36 | Why Love Isn’t Enough
3:24 | The Gap Between Love & Divorce
4:43 | Change Impacting Relationships
6:03 | Not Understanding Each Other
7:16 | Surface Level Arguments
10:15 | Find the Frame of Reference
16:46 | Preparing for Disruptive Changes
22:04 | Self Soothing Through Change
23:06 | Embracing Change Together
30:42 | Evolving Plans Call for Change
31:58 | When Personality Changes
39:02 | Making The Transitions Work
42:02 | Pivot from CEO To Cuddly Wife
45:23 | What You Need vs. Want
48:35 | Power In Being Needed
52:18 | Why You Have To Communicate
57:18 | Emphasis of Feelings
1:01:28 | Own Your Triggers & Insecurities
QUOTES:
“The problem with emotions, they make things seem self evidently correct.” Tom Bilyeu [6:40]
“If someone who loves you, and that you love are going that head to head, you don’t perceive the situation the same. Therefore, the entire argument should stop instantly, and you should simply say, where’s the misperception?” Tom Bilyeu [10:26]
“If you want someone to be there when you’re weak, you have to be honest about where you’re weak.” Lisa Bilyeu [18:02]
“So the goal was for me to change my life to break out of the mundane.” Lisa Bilyeu [19:35]
“I had to be very aware, and really respectful to the fact that my change is going to impact you.” Lisa Bilyeu [24:16]
“We had the goal, we had the strategy, and in that strategy, I got lost, I lost myself.” Lisa Bilyeu [31:30]
“So as you’re going through that transition, the thing for me to fall back on was, I’m in this forever. So now I’m only looking for ways to make it work. I’m not looking for the exit ramp.” Tom Bilyeu [39:02]
“I want you to become whoever you want to become in order to be proud, and I want you to feel that you’ve become as powerful as you want to become.” Tom Bilyeu [40:31]
“As your business partner, I owe it to you to not be weak, and I owe it to you to stand my ground if I believe in something and you owe it to me to stand your ground.” Lisa Bilyeu [42:23]
“I would never be able to stay with a wife who didn’t know how to make me feel powerful… it feels so good… If you’re with a man that doesn’t know how to make you feel beautiful, you’re missing a trick.” Tom Bilyeu [45:23]
“Understand the difference between need and want. Because failing to understand that you have to own yourself, you have to own your own emotions, you have to take control of your life” Tom Bilyeu [46:22]
“On occasions to really be able to turn to them and know they’ve got your back that when you fucking fall on the floor, they are there to reach out a hand and fucking pull you back up.” Lisa Bilyeu [47:33]
“Do I know that he loves me? And if the answer is yes, then I come back to this conversation from that perspective. If the answer’s no, I have a much bigger problem.” Tom Bilyeu [55:04]
“People confuse feeling something for having thought through it, or for knowing that something is true.” Tom Bilyeu [58:30]
“Talking about triggers and our own insecurities and our own things. It is 1,000% on me to work through my own triggers my own insecurities.” Lisa Bilyeu [1:01:29]
“It’s really freaking hard though, to say in that moment, ‘hey, I’m being triggered,’ and I know that this trigger doesn’t serve me but you’re still feeling the emotion” Lisa Bilyeu [1:03:25]
Follow Lisa Bilyeu:
Website: https://www.lisabilyeu.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lisabilyeu/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCeir7Wbzzfg43c1eL7PSa3g
